Hyperventilation
by AdenaMentzel
Summary: Addison's typeA personality definitely had downsides...ONESHOT. Addek. Please review!


**Author's note: **Random little oneshot...Addek, because I love them. Please review...pretty please? My oneshots don't have that great a track record with feedback, but I thrive on it...

* * *

Hyperventilation.

It was the biggest problem with having an extreme Type-A personality, and Addison Forbes Montgomery knew that very well. She had an anxiety disorder that she had been diagnosed with when she was fourteen, which, she knew, was very early and unusual. She always had been mature beyond her years, but that was one thing that she hadn't really wanted to have early on. A boyfriend, a first kiss, sex were all things that she wanted around that time, but really, anxiety attacks? Not really cool.

She could still remember the first time that Derek was with her when she had an attack. That was the first time that she really realized how much he loved her, how much he cared about her. Her other friends and boyfriends never really knew how to react and generally didn't really do much about it. There had been many times that she had been abandoned in the hallway.

Addison and Derek had met during their undergrad studies at Columbia, and she had thought that he was the most annoying person that she had ever met. He knew that he had pretty eyes and a heart-melting smile, and he was quite proud of these aspects of his physique. He would ask her out and flirt with her incessantly, and really all that Addison wanted to do was pay attention to her studies and get ahead of everyone else. She had to be the best at everything she attempted—that Type-A personality again. He was slightly Type-B…although, she couldn't really tell what the actual diagnosis would have been considering that Mark epitomized a B personality. Derek was somewhere in the middle, which Addison guessed was probably the healthiest place to be.

Despite her constant irritation with him, Derek quickly became Addison's best friend. He was the only person who could make her relax, even just a little bit. He was the only one who could convince her to get away from the books and the studying for thirty minutes or an hour. He was also the only person who she listened to. Over the first two years of their college experiences, they became very affectionate and knowledgeable about the intimate details of each other's lives. Eventually, once they started dating, she came to a point where she trusted him completely, which was relatively terrifying, as she didn't relinquish power without a fight. For those first to years, though, she had a façade. To be truthful, though, during those two years, there was very little that she was troubled about. The only thing he really had to worry about was making sure she ate. She had very few attacks during that period, and never near Derek. He made her feel comfortable and relaxed—like someone completely different.

Anyway, eventually she gave in and decided to go out with him. What was the worst that could happen? There first date had gone without incident. It was casual, obviously, as they were both college students—they ended up going to Greenwich Village and having coffee in one of the little cafes, and then taking a walk around Washington Square Park. Generally, they didn't really go near this area as it was more NYU territory, but the change of scenery served to make the evening more special.

Their second date didn't go as well. Derek had decided it would be fun to go ice-skating at Rockefeller Center. Addison begged to differ. If she hadn't been such a proud person, she probably would have begged him to change his plans for the evening. Despite her tremendous anxiety about skating and her fear of not being perfect at it, she made it through the skating part of the evening without an attack, which she was grateful for. Unfortunately, she wasn't completely in the clear. He had taken her back to his dorm, having kicked Mark out earlier, although to be honest, it was probably not necessary as he usually stayed with his conquests until the early morning.

Everything had seemed perfectly fine, and Addison was oddly at ease, which was abnormal for her. She was walking calmly, lavishing the feeling of Derek's arm around her back and his overly affectionate behavior—after all, it was only their second date, and yet, she found herself not caring. When they got back to his room, Addison noticed him discreetly—but apparently not discreetly enough—but a tie around the bedroom door before locking it. She inwardly giggled, and nervousness started to bubble in her stomach. Physically, she wasn't a virgin, but at the same time she hadn't ever really "had sex".

Derek pressed her up against the wall, firmly pressing his lips to hers, placing one hand behind her neck and the other on her hip, his fingers pushing up the hem of her shirt gently, touching her skin. Addison felt a spark when he touched her bare skin, and her heart began pounding. They moved farther. He lifted her up and carried her over to the bed, never breaking the kiss. She began to get more and more nervous as he removed her shirt, but it wasn't until he began to undo her pants that she really lost it. Her breathing became extremely shallow and she couldn't move or think. Her body tensed up and became rigid. _Shit, shit, shit not now…oh my god oh my god oh my god…_

Derek shrank back, frightened, but the concern in his eyes was even more evident. He moved towards her, and wrapped his arms around her gently, rubbing soft circles on her back. Addison was at first startled by his movement, causing her to panic even more, but she relaxed easily when she saw that his intentions weren't to harm her.

"Come on, Addie, breathe…" he cooed delicately. He repositioned her, placing her head between her knees. He reached over beside the bed to the mini-fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and handing it to her. She took it shakily and held it against her face, trying to calm herself down, resuming her prior position. He was sweet and stayed there, continuing to massage her back and shoulders.

After about ten minutes, the attack passed, leaving Addie shaky and exhausted. Derek knelt down before her in front of the bed and looked deep into her eyes, taking her hands in his, intertwining their fingers.

"Ads, are you okay?" Addison nodded.

"Sorry about that. I didn't mean to scare you, it's just…" she looked away, still shaking slightly. There were tears in her eyes that she refused to shed.

"It's just what, Ads? What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything, right? Was I moving to fast?" She held a hand up, indicating that he should stop talking.

"Well, first you should know that I have an anxiety disorder…and I was diagnosed several years ago…" He nodded, encouraging her to go on. He rubbed her hands with his thumbs. When she didn't say anything, he decided to take initiative.

"Why…was there a reason that this triggered it, or…" She shrugged.

"It's no big deal…" she said, looking away. It made her anxious though, because she realized that he would be able to see right through it. As she suspected, he stared at her skeptically. She forced herself to continue.

"I was raped, that's all," she said, brushing it off.

"That's all, Addie? That's _all_?" She cowered, afraid of him, the intensity of his voice. He noticed this and adjusted, speaking softly, "Honey…have you…dealt with it?" Rage filled her eyes.

"Derek! I am _fine_!"

"Addison, you are _not_ fine, and that's fine, but it's okay not to be perfect. Sometimes you need to let yourself be taken care of." He pulled her onto his lap and held her, running his fingers through her ruby locks. He felt her melt into his embrace. She buried her face in his chest and began crying softly. He had expected something louder, more substantial in volume, but instead there were deep sobs that shook her to her core, but minimal loudness. He held her tightly until she had nothing left. When she fell asleep, he tucked her in gently, kissing her forehead. She grabbed his hand as he pushed a wayward strand of hair out of her face, and without opening her eyes mumbled,

"Please hold me." He gently moved onto the bed and spooned her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. He whispered in her ear,

"I'm not going anywhere," he reassured. Her only response was a soft moan, her breathing even. He laughed softly, and, knowing she was asleep, he whispered, "I love you, Addison."


End file.
